Another crapy week

So most people didn't know but I was pregnant again. We were so excited. I didn't tell hardly anyone until we saw the heart beat at 6 week, and we keep it pretty quite I was waiting to see the heart beat again at 10 weeks before telling every one. I was having pain from a ovarian cyst and I call to make an appointment at 9 weeks, on Monday, no biggie I was just wanting to make sure the cyst wasn't getting bigger because I was having allot of pain right there and only there. Well when they did the ultra sound there was no longer a heart beat. I was shocked and devastated. The baby's heart stopped a week after we saw it. I had a D&C yesterday and am having allot of cramping form the D&C. I am so tired and I am so sad but I know Heavenly Father has a plan and at least I know that my baby is waiting for me in heaven. 

The day we found out right after my ac in my car went out again, and then my sunglasses broke what a bad day. But as Bryan said at least it wasn't my birthday.  

Our family's favorite things

I was thinking the other day about all the things that our family LOVES. Some of them are silly small things but still our favorites all the same.

Kooper LOVES:

• Jr Mints- loves is a understatement on these the kid will dive out of the cart if he see them in the store
• Moms vegan chocolate chip cookies (I put the recipe down at the bottom)
• Yo Gaba Gaba
• Mam maw
• his favorite place to go is Mam maws back yard. He LOVES to play in the sand and grass and with all the kids!
• Food... I know he can't eat dairy, eggs yellow dye and most meats but his mommy is an amazing cook and doesn't let his food allergies hold him back from great food that he can eat. People would never know that most of what I make is vegan with out me telling them..lol

Chase LOVES:

• Dinosaurs
• Garbage trucks
• Wow wow Wubbzy
• The "Dinosaur Museum" http://www.azmnh.org/Home.aspx
• **Batman***
• Oh and we can't for get Cheeseburgers... I don't know how much he really likes to eat them as much as he like to sing the silly veggie tales song.... but no one else is allowed to sing it because it is "his" song.

Tate LOVES:

• Joseph he wants to be just like him
• Trios he loves to build... he is so creative and always creating things out of what I consider trash.... but hey if it makes him happy.
• the science museum http://www.azscience.org/
• Shoe shopping... He is just like his daddy
• He love playing with Lego's with Joseph
• golfing and going to the driving range with his dad. He is so cute when he gets all dressed in his "golfing clothes"

Jocelyn LOVES:

• Arts and crafts of all kinds
• watching show with mom like Project Run Way, Cake Boss, Shear Genius, The Fashion Show.
• She love date night with dad...almost as much as I do.
• clothes... in her words "New clothes are better than toys" She is so my child
• Shoes... Bryan says she has almost as many as I do.... I told him not even close
• School. Over spring break she counted the days until she got to go back
• Helping me cook. We have matching aprons
• Helping with kids.... other than Kooper
• Bows and flowers
• princesses
• Dress ups

Bryan LOVES

• Discount Tire. I think it is his first true love...lol... he is there more than any where else
• Pop the soda shop. If you have never been it is fun to go try so new sodas http://www.popsoda.com/ it is in Scottsdale
• Golf and it is getting ready to be prime golf season for him we can actually afford it durning the summer
• Surprising me
• Jokes.... especially Chuck Norris Jokes... I don't get them
• Pawn Stars and one day we will go and check it out when we go to Vegas
• Dr Pepper form Circle K and it has to be form Circle K
• Every thing NOT vegan
• Guns and shooting
• Camping

Lindsay LOVES:

• High heels and I get most of them from here http://www.shiekhshoes.com/store/ kinda a ghetto looking store but I love their shoes! Bryan love to surprise me with new heels on my bad days!
• Brothers and Sisters, Deadliest Catch, The Real House wife's....that don't represent what a REAL house wife is, Top Chef, The F Word, Project Run Way and pretty much any thing that isn't on Noggin
• Soy soft sever....MMMMMMM.... from Green http://www.greenvegetarian.com/
• Bed time
• Facebook
• Taking the kids to the Museums
• Date nights
• Kohl's
• Surprise presents.... from Bryan.... not so much from Chase his are never GOOD surprises
• Hanging out with my mom
• Watching the kids play in Moms back yard
• My Vegan Chocolate chip cookies

I thought it would be fun to share our family's fave things and hope you guys might do the same. I could always use some fun new ideas of things to try!

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

This is the recipe I have made to make them the way I love them!

1cup sugar

1cup browns sugar

1 cup Earth Balance butter sticks

2 eggs made from Ener-G egg replacer

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 1/3 cups flour

Half a bag of ghirardelli dark chocolate chips

Cream sugars and Butter together and then add the egg replacer.... trick I learned if you whisk the egg replacer in to the water until it is frothy it works SOOOOO much better..... Mix the vanilla, baking soda, and salt in. Then add the flour and then the chocolate chips. Drop table spoons of dough on the cookie sheet and bake on 350 for 10-12 minutes. Makes about 3 dozen

My UNhappy Birthday

****** PLEASE NOTE THIS MAY ME WAY TO MUCH INFO FOR SOME OF YOU*****

Let me start at the beginning. At my first Dr's appointment when they did a ultra sound the baby was measuring 4 weeks behind my period due date... kinda scary but not to big of a deal I ovulate late. So the Dr said come back in a week and we will see if the baby is growing well the sack grew and we were told to come back in a week to see the baby. Well during that next week we had planed a birthday weekend to go to San Diego just me Bryan and Kooper. I was so excited. Mom was keeping the 3 older kids and I was getting a much needed break. On the way to San Diego I had started spotting. I was a nervous but not to worried I spotted with Kooper. As the day went on it started to get worse so we went to the hotel and just took it easy. Well the next day Sunday we decide since it really wasn't getting any worse we would go for a walk down the beach while we were out it started to get worse so we spent the rest of the day just laying around napping at the hotel. On Monday I started bleeding more and by now I was super worried and thought I had lost the baby. I had a Dr appointment for Tuesday already so we just took our time going home on Mon. SO when we went in on Tuesday the Dr said some thing I thought I would never hear.... They baby grew.... "What" I had bleed so much I never thought I could still be pregnant.... So we went home and I was so confused and almost relived but not. That night I woke up to miscarrying the baby:( I was so sad. I told Bryan and he said at least it wasn't on your birthday.... only buy a couple of hours.... but still.... SO I called the Dr and they got me right in on Wen.... My BIRTHDAY.... he said that he felt that we really needed to do a D&C because my body hadn't passed every thing and I was bleeding a lot and he was afraid I would bleed to much trying to pass it all..... so we did the D&C that evening. Not a fun birthday present at all.

Now to the question every one wants to know.....How am I doing?...... Well this is kinda a not so cut and dry. I know in my head and my spirit know it was part of the plan and that it wasn't meant to be. That this was an experience that I needed to have to grow and learn. However I am so disappointed and sad. I cry allot and for no reason at all. I have no control at all over my emotions and just want to be back to normal. I know it takes time and that I have to go though this as part of my trial. I have found my self saying more prayers and growing closer to my Heavenly Father. Bryan has given me so many blessing and that has really helped. In fact he gave me a blessing the night before my second ultra sound and in it he said that, "the decision had already been made" I knew then in my heart that the baby wouldn't make it but still I hoped it would. I know that we still have another child meant to come to us and that we will get pregnant again and that I will be ok.... hopefully better than ok:)

The kids are really helping they come up and give me hugs and kisses every time I am crying and are a nice distraction... since I still have to be a mom and a fully functioning person even when I don't want to be.

My mom has been a huge help she has been taking great care of my kids. She even kept Kooper who is still nursing at night, the night of my D&C so I could get some much needed sleep, since I couldn't nursing him for 24 hours. Mom thank you for helping and being a shoulder to cry on and an all around great friend.

Bryan has been AMAZING. He has been there for me every step of the way holding my hand. I couldn't ask for a better friend and husband. He did every thing Thursday so I could just lay in bed and cry. He is a amazing dad too :)

I want to thank my sister and sister in laws for their love and support and letting me know they are there but letting me have my space and time but there as soon as I need them. I am so lucky to be blessed with such wonderful sisters.

Thank you to all that have prayed for our family the prayers have really helped and with time every thing will just fine!

I know that every trial has a equal blessing. I am still watching for my blessing(s). I know that it is here some where:)