Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My UNhappy Birthday


Let me start at the beginning. At my first Dr's appointment when they did a ultra sound the baby was measuring 4 weeks behind my period due date... kinda scary but not to big of a deal I ovulate late. So the Dr said come back in a week and we will see if the baby is growing well the sack grew and we were told to come back in a week to see the baby. Well during that next week we had planed a birthday weekend to go to San Diego just me Bryan and Kooper. I was so excited. Mom was keeping the 3 older kids and I was getting a much needed break. On the way to San Diego I had started spotting. I was a nervous but not to worried I spotted with Kooper. As the day went on it started to get worse so we went to the hotel and just took it easy. Well the next day Sunday we decide since it really wasn't getting any worse we would go for a walk down the beach while we were out it started to get worse so we spent the rest of the day just laying around napping at the hotel. On Monday I started bleeding more and by now I was super worried and thought I had lost the baby. I had a Dr appointment for Tuesday already so we just took our time going home on Mon. SO when we went in on Tuesday the Dr said some thing I thought I would never hear.... They baby grew.... "What" I had bleed so much I never thought I could still be pregnant.... So we went home and I was so confused and almost relived but not. That night I woke up to miscarrying the baby:( I was so sad. I told Bryan and he said at least it wasn't on your birthday.... only buy a couple of hours.... but still.... SO I called the Dr and they got me right in on Wen.... My BIRTHDAY.... he said that he felt that we really needed to do a D&C because my body hadn't passed every thing and I was bleeding a lot and he was afraid I would bleed to much trying to pass it all..... so we did the D&C that evening. Not a fun birthday present at all.

Now to the question every one wants to know.....How am I doing?...... Well this is kinda a not so cut and dry. I know in my head and my spirit know it was part of the plan and that it wasn't meant to be. That this was an experience that I needed to have to grow and learn. However I am so disappointed and sad. I cry allot and for no reason at all. I have no control at all over my emotions and just want to be back to normal. I know it takes time and that I have to go though this as part of my trial. I have found my self saying more prayers and growing closer to my Heavenly Father. Bryan has given me so many blessing and that has really helped. In fact he gave me a blessing the night before my second ultra sound and in it he said that, "the decision had already been made" I knew then in my heart that the baby wouldn't make it but still I hoped it would. I know that we still have another child meant to come to us and that we will get pregnant again and that I will be ok.... hopefully better than ok:)

The kids are really helping they come up and give me hugs and kisses every time I am crying and are a nice distraction... since I still have to be a mom and a fully functioning person even when I don't want to be.

My mom has been a huge help she has been taking great care of my kids. She even kept Kooper who is still nursing at night, the night of my D&C so I could get some much needed sleep, since I couldn't nursing him for 24 hours. Mom thank you for helping and being a shoulder to cry on and an all around great friend.

Bryan has been AMAZING. He has been there for me every step of the way holding my hand. I couldn't ask for a better friend and husband. He did every thing Thursday so I could just lay in bed and cry. He is a amazing dad too :)

I want to thank my sister and sister in laws for their love and support and letting me know they are there but letting me have my space and time but there as soon as I need them. I am so lucky to be blessed with such wonderful sisters.

Thank you to all that have prayed for our family the prayers have really helped and with time every thing will just fine!

I know that every trial has a equal blessing. I am still watching for my blessing(s). I know that it is here some where:)


Amanda said...

i love you lindsay! i think you are doing amazing. i'm so sorry you had to go through all of this.

Debe said...

I love you! I am so sorry for your pain and sadness! I would take it all away if I could! It is much easier to bear your childs burdens than to watch them do it. But since I can't I can just sit back and be proud of you and how well you are doing. I am proud of the wonderful mother that you are to all of your kids. I am proud of the daughter you are to me. I am proud of the daughter you are to our Heavenly Father and the love and concern you have for all those around you. I am proud of you for tuning to the Lord in your time of need. I am proud of you for letting your self greive and not running from the pain. I love you! Thank you for being my daughter and my friend!

always waiting for what will happen next said...

I am with everyone else.... I love ya Lindsay!! I am sorry that this has happened, but just like you told me once, the one thing that is helping me through my time of toughness is that there is an equal blessing. So hang in there and take it one day at a time. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Lindsay, I love you! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Stephanie said...

Lindsay, I was so sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I know that it's always a loss and is hard. I've been thinking about you and hoping that you feel better soon. Let me know if I can do anything.

Erin Ann said...

Lindsay- I've never met you, but I'm Reid Lowther's wife. We went through a miscarriage actually right around this time - Mar 5, 2009. It was devastating...and I can only say that you're doing everything you can at this point - praying, staying close to the Lord, and trusting that things will work out. I cried off and on for months, with crazy up and down emotions. I wondered if I ever would feel better, and time does help. I can say, a year later, it is still a tender subject, but you are right - the Lord has a plan for us, and we have to trust in Him. Easier said than done, for me at least. I pray you will feel better and I'm so very sorry.

Sean & Julia Johnson.... said...

I'm sorry to hear you've had to go throuhg all of this. I'm so glad you have such a great family & support system!

amy said...

Yay!, I finally made it to your blog! but I'm sorry to hear sad news. You always are such an upbeat person, that it breaks my heart to think of you crying! :(

we are so blessed to have our knowledge of God's love to strengthen us at times like these. We love you and think you and your family are wonderful! You will be in our prayers. xxx

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Nean said...

I'm so sorry to hear about everything that you went through,but God will send you another blessing soon. Remember that everything is in his hands.

Colleen said...

Just always think that is always beside you and someday He will give you another child.

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